Are you in a rut? Do find yourself complaining about everything, feeling unhappy, and lacking control in your life? Maybe you are sick of being stuck in the same routine day after day. Furthermore, do you think you would be happy if only you made more money, had more purpose, were in better shape, drove a nicer car, or had a different job? If this sounds like the way you think on a day to day basis, it is time to snap out of the pity party you are having and to take back control of your life. When we get into ruts in our daily lives, we tend to blame everyone and everything else for the way we feel, and we think that if external things in our lives would change, then everything would be better. The fact is that the power to change everything in our lives lies with our ability to change our attitude. A negative attitude is a habit, and the only way to combat this very bad habit is to take back control of your thoughts and to teach yourself to think differently.

Discover how to look 30 years younger in just 10 minutes a day!

The first step is to realize that you cannot control the way other people think or behave just like you cannot control the traffic or the weather (despite the fact that we let these things ruin our mood on a daily basis!). However, you can, and must, learn to control the way you approach situations in your life. Despite the fact that you cannot control your environment, you can always control how you think! Start by evaluating the things in your life that cause you stress and identify the things that you can and cannot control in these situations. Next, control the controllables! Learn to let go of the things that are out of your control and start focusing on the things that you can change, namely your outlook and your attitude. This type of change happens from the inside-out. If you are willing to make an effort to change the way you think about the situations in your daily life, you will change the way you feel on a day to day basis, which will ultimately change the way you act. By changing the way you think, you will change everything! Your attitude and outlook on life influences your confidence and emotions, which, in turn, influence the choices you make that determine your productivity, efficiency, and successfulness. With a negative attitude, you are not only making yourself feel miserable, but you are preventing yourself from reaching your potential, as well.

Instead of using your mind to decrease your success, you must learn to use your thoughts to create a state of mind for excellence. One of the most important components of this new way of thinking is learning to be your own biggest fan. In other words, you must become your own loudest cheerleader. This might seem silly, but you probably do not even realize how seldom you pat yourself on the back for a job well done. In our society, it is common for us to seek approval from other people and we don’t judge our own success until we receive a judgment from someone else. If others provide positive feedback, then we feel good about ourselves, and if others fail to provide feedback or give negative feedback, then we feel invalidated and under appreciated. You have undoubtedly been frustrated because something you did went unrecognized by your boss or your spouse and you have likely felt that other people in your life don not realize how much you sacrifice for your job. This habit of seeking and waiting for others to express appreciation or congratulations must stop. Why are you basing the success of your own work on someone else’s opinion? You are an intelligent, logical, independent individual. Give yourself some credit! You know when you do good work, make sacrifices, and take risks. Tell yourself how proud you are! The only side effects of being proud of you are increased confidence, self-worth, and motivation.

If you are in a habit of negative thinking and you continually seek approval from others, learning to cheer for yourself will be a challenging task, and you may need guidance along the way, but it is a challenge you should take head on. You must break down the barriers. Start with the basics: Practice telling yourself how great you look, how capable you are, and how successful you will be. Start holding yourself accountable for good things to happen in your life. Take control of your health, your career, and your attitude. It is time to stop leaving your life up to chance and to stop blaming other people and things for your unhappiness and misdirection. Take control, put a smile on your face, and take a stand for you! Before you know it, everything will be different!

The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to ourselves. ~Montaigne

What I believe now is that we choose to be who we are. We choose to feel the way we feel, we see life the way we choose to see life, we react to life events the way we choose to react. We may have had a lousy childhood, we may even have a genetic proneness to depression, we may have suffered profound losses, and illnesses, but we are not condemned to live in a NOW created by our THEN.

Enjoy confidence & cure anything, with this long-lost NLP secret!

This idea is sometimes difficult to accept. I had difficulty accepting it. The physical abuse, the sexual abuse, the substance abuse were inflicted upon me, I would think, so that’s why I’m messed up, and because I can’t change my abusive history I am condemned to before-ever a damaged being. We might think we are condemned to the life our past created for us, but the truth is, we are depressed because we choose to be depressed.

Now I’ve been a behaviorist ever since studying B. F. Skinner back in college. I believe we do what we get paid to do. I believe there is always some reward attached to our behaviors. Sometimes you have to look hard before you find what the pay-off is, but it is generally true that we do what we get rewarded for doing. Unfortunately, sometimes we settle for less than we could’ve gotten. We eat a can of dog food when a Porterhouse steak was available. What I’m saying is that if I am depressed it’s because I have picked to be depressed and I picked it, because I was getting paid for that depression behavior.

This may be difficult for you to accept.

“I’m miserable. Why would I pick to be depressed? And as far as payoffs go, I assure you there are not benefits from being depressed.”

I once thought this, but then it occurred to me that when I had a major depressive episode I got sympathy (pity) from my wife and friends, and people stopped putting stressful demands on me. These benefits from depression may not seem like much, and certainly there are better benefits available, but when this kind of stinkin’ thinkin’ was going on in my brain, I had a crisis of imagination. I settled for the first benefits I came across and never imagined that there might be something better available to me if I just made different choices.

When you are depressed it certainly feels like you are the victim, but the truth is that the depressed person is the perpetrator. Each one of us is the architect of our attitudes, experiences, and moods. Depression is a cage we design and build for ourselves. We lock ourselves into our own prison of despair and then rattle the bars with a tin cup bemoaning the fact that we have been condemned to this depressive misery, when the key that sets us free rests in our shirt pocket.

Getting free from the prison of despondency does not require years, months or weeks of work. Find the key to freedom and happiness, use the key, and step into the freedom you deserve.

Yes, it may be valuable for some to explore the past to see why we react the way we react, but the goal of such reflection is not to pile your hurts up in one place and then wallow in them. There is only one reason to examine the abuses and losses of your past, and that is to recognize what triggers reactions and to opt to not react.

Happy people live informed, intentional lives, making happy choices.

The Prayer of Confession in the Book of Common prayer has the petitioner asking to be forgiven for our thoughts, words, and deeds.

What we think determines what we say. What we say directs our deeds. If you are depressed it’s not because you’re bad, it’s not because your daddy beat you with a belt, depression grows out of our thoughts, words, and deeds. I do not call these thoughts words, and deeds sins. I don’t even think they are wrong, or bad. I think that if we are depressed it’s because of how we think, what we say to ourselves, and the actions we take. If you choose to continue being depressed that’s your choice, go forth and be miserable. If you’re tired of being down in the dumps, if you’re weary of the great gray funk, if you are ready to stop hating yourself and, instead, to experience joy, peace, and love then you can choose different thoughts, choose different words, and take different deeds.

Are there people so severely damaged by their abusive upbringing that they are hopelessly trapped by their past? Maybe, but I don’t think so. I do think that there are mental illnesses that make making different positive choices more difficult. Just because a choice is there doesn’t mean it will always be exercised. I would never pretend that depression will be eliminated from all mankind. Depression will always exist within mankind, but it doesn’t have to exist within you, or within me.

I have two definitions important to mention here. There first is SAD. You can be sad and not be depressed. I say that because when I use the word I mean that a person is appropriately down, blue, saddened by some loss, or disappointment. The key here is appropriate. The degree of one’s sadness fits with the level of loss one has experienced. If you have a flat tire, you can be sad about it, but just a little. Its a pain in the sistabottarinktum, but it’s not all that bad, so the level of your sadness is not all that much. If you just bought a new car and it catches fire and burns up, then it is appropriate that you be sadder than you were for the flat. If someone you love died in the car fire, then it would be appropriate to be inconsolable for a time, to shed tears, pound on the table, and perhaps even curse god, but even with this horrible loss one would not expect a person to stay in that initial shocked howling grief for months.

Depression, on the other hand is a sort of sadness on methamphetamines, a horrible despair that is far too excessive when you examine what has triggered the episode of despondency. If someone breaks a date with you and you lay on your bed and wish you were dead, that response is not proportionately appropriate when you consider the rather minor trigger.

Believe that better choices exist, look for them, and choose them. Never accept the lie that you are too damaged to ever get better. Do not accept that you are too old to change. It has been proven by The Dog Whisperer that old dogs can learn new tricks. There is no dysfunction so great that it renders you helpless to choose happiness. If you’re depressed you may not realize it, but you are stronger than you think you are, you have a greater capacity than you imagine, and you can change your life much faster than you could ever envisage.

ME: Do choices exist? Always? Sometimes it just doesn’t feel that way.

THE OTHER ME: You’ve been around long enough now to’ve figured out that feelings are not facts. feelings are just the body responding to the chemicals that were released from glands that got triggered by your thinking.

ME: All I have to make decisions is my perception. I have to trust what I see, think, and then react, then make my choices.

THE OTHER ME: You remember that time you drove to Sebring, and when you got there you knew you’d passed through Avon Park, but you don’t remember it, remember that?

ME: Yeah, but that’s because I was so use to driving down there that I didn’t have to think that much about driving. I was on sort of an automatic pilot. I was thinking of other things. My mind was a million miles away.

THE OTHER ME: Well life is like that. Sometimes we go through life and don’t see things that are around us all the time, because our minds are a million miles away dealing with other stuff. There were dozens of things that you would’ve noticed IF you’d been focused on what you were doing.

We always have options. There are always choices we could make if we could only see them, but we don’t see them because too often we go through life on automatic pilot.

Let me begin by thanking your attention to this article about How To Be appealing. It doesn’t matter what your gender or age is; there has been some point you want to be appealing, to feel like you are important. We all crave feeling attractive. We’ve all wanted that special man or women to think we are an appealing person that’s worthwhile. You can easily be appealing. You might say, “Oh, no. Not me because I’m too heavy,” or “I’m too shy. I’m uncomfortable when I’m around the person to whom I am attracted.” Consider what William J. Look had to say: “I believe half the unhappiness in life comes from people being afraid to go straight at things.” There are infinite reasons to explain why you are the way you are, but these only provide us with excuses for not living out our happiness. The simple truth is that we want be significant. We want to be someone to whom others are attracted.

Faith, love and hope are the corner stones of the truly successful life. Faith comes first. By believing in your own ability to achieve your dreams, like ‘the little engine that could’ if others can make it, you can too. Self-belief engenders self-love. It is often said that we must first love ourselves before we can love others. And yet self-love can be fostered through empathy, by vicariously reveling in others’ happiness, their joy can suffuse our own souls. What is more joyous than love? And, if we are able to love others with all their foibles, how much of a leap is it for us to love ourselves, as well? Which brings us to the gift of hope, from which all things are possible.

Practicing what you believe is important when it comes to having positive results. However, when you are practicing make sure that they are positive as negative results can occur. Even though at this stage it may seem hard, change will come with positive beliefs. When you believe in yourself, your confidence builds and positive things will come around and make you a better overall person.

There is an old saying, “let your actions speak for you”. For this to happen we must have a vision which should be followed by a venture. Climb up the stairs; do not just stand there at the bottom. Positivism followed by positive action can change your life in a powerful way. You need to decide what you want and discover the best way to accomplish it. Howard Ikemoto describes his conversation with his daughter who was seven years old at that time. She asked her father what he did at work. He replied, “I teach people to draw” to this she asked “you mean they forget?”. She in her childhood innocence hit the nail. In theory we know all that is needed to know, but forget to practice it. Start believing in yourself and your abilities. You are special with abilities unique to you. Retain your appeal and remain positive. After all, no one likes to be around a cry baby, who is forever cribbing and complaining.

Let’s face the music: most people are… well… lazy. When given a project to complete, people slink into a position of complacency. They do only what’s absolutely necessary to complete the project - the bare minimum to do a satisfactory job. Once the project is completed, most people forget about it and move on to the next task. The phrase “above and beyond” is foreign to nearly everybody, mainly because going above and beyond what is satisfactory requires extra work.

Discover the hidden secrets behind Cosmic Ordering!

Extra work?! “No thank you!” screams the masses - that’s something unthinkable, unheard of! Why bother with extra work when you can get away with doing so much less?

That’s a good question. Why *would* you do extra work on a project to give it superior results, when you can do so much less and get away with it? Why put in the extra time to give glossy touches to a task, when you can be completing other things? Two main reasons come to my mind:

1. Going above and beyond makes you stand out from the crowd. Two choices here: you can either be part of the masses who think the average is acceptable, or you can break away and show off your stuff.
2. Going above and beyond gives your tasks and projects a clearly higher quality. Quality is everything, why skimp out on it?

Going above and beyond makes you stand out from the crowd.

The quickest way to be noticed for something? Do more than the bare minimum, and throw in a little spice and edge to your tasks and projects. Spend the time crafting those fantastic finishing touches and flairs, and people will take notice.

Everybody’s heard of the Beatles - their music is well known, and their image has pervaded pop culture for the last four decades. Have you ever thought about why this may be? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to look at their music and image to see it wasn’t average and mundane. The Beatles were exciting, new, and creative. They pushed what was common and added their own particular flavors to the mix, creating something unique and brilliant. Look at any other artist or bands from any other decade; you’ll see the same sort of pattern. Going above and beyond definitely served these people and groups well.

If you went all out and pulled out all of the stops for a task or project, what kind of results would you get? Would you still fall in the same group with everybody else, or would you have set yourself apart in ways those average folk could never dream of?

Going above and beyond gives your tasks and projects a clearly higher quality.

Over the last few centuries, there have been countless composers of classical music. But… how many classical composers can you name off the top of your head, right now? The average person can only name a handful. Why do you think that is? (Don’t say it’s because classical music is boring!)

From researching classical music in the past, I can tell you exactly why - most classical composers wrote boring, average music. Their personal style wasn’t special; their musical substance was far from amazing. Instead of painting musical pictures with striking, brilliant patterns and vivid tone colors, they opted to compose music only to make some money, to make an O.K. living.

And, as history has now proven, their music has been destroyed and long forgotten. On the other hand, look at the select few composers such as Beethoven, who viewed music as an art form. Beethoven composed tirelessly on pieces for years and years before they were finished, even while deaf! And, as history has now proven, he is regarded as one of the most influential, creative, important, and [about 1,000 other adjectives] composers that has ever lived.

Beethoven could have certainly composed complacently. In fact, some of his very early pieces show this - they’re nothing special because he didn’t put in the effort. The magical quality of Beethoven just isn’t there in those early pieces. But when he *did* stretch himself and showed off his stuff, something magical happened. He created works of art.

Now, obviously, your projects probably don’t include composing a symphonic masterpiece (and this is one of your projects, good luck!). I think we all can take a lesson from Beethoven, though. If you’re working on a project, why not inject that 110% into it? By really pushing yourself and viewing what you’re doing as important, you can create a higher quality product that people will really take note of. They’ll truly admire your work and work ethic, and value your creations and undertakings.

The next time you have a task or project to complete - whether it’s baking a cake, writing a song, or composing that novel you’ve always wanted to write - think of ways to go above and beyond what’s expected. How can you make your project stand out? How can you create something with a better quality that people will adore?