Jul
7
In August of 2002 my life was in complete disarray. My children had been taken
from my wife one year earlier while I was in a drug rehab at the time. I had given up all hope of ever getting them back and I had sunk into a deep hole of depression, drug abuse and complete surrender. I was homeless and sleeping
on park benches, the sandy beach or wherever I could safely find a resting
place.
Ads-Change Your Life Forever With This Forbidden Software-“Must Be Over 18 Years Old”
I was a worthless drug addict, a thief, and a disgrace. That’s how I saw
myself and I’m sure that’s how others saw me as well. But God had other plans
for me and this is where the miracles began to manifest.
One afternoon as I was sitting on the grass outside of a food kitchen that
fed the homeless. A man appeared out of nowhere and almost stepped on me as he
cut through the dense hedges where I sat. The sun was glaring in my eyes as I
looked up to him and I thought he was an angel. He asked me if was homeless and
I held back the tears as I told him I was. He invited me to join him for lunch
inside of the food kitchen and something inside me told me to accept and I did.
He listened intently to my story yet he had this understanding look in his eyes
as if he already knew everything I was telling him including my struggle with my
addiction and my feelings of hopelessness. He said he had come to help me and he
would provide me with food, shelter and a chance at a new life if I were willing
to do everything that was asked for me. I couldn’t hold back my tears any longer
as my head fell into hands. When I looked up he was gone and in front of me was
a card with nothing but a phone number on it and the words “Call Now, your life
awaits you”.
I ran outside and hopped on my broken down bicycle and pedaled as fast as I
could to the Crossroads, a building used for NA and AA meetings where I had
spent most of my days and nights going to meetings hoping that God would show up
and make this nightmare go away. I made my way inside to the pay phone and
dialed the number on the card. A voice on the other end answered “Homeless
Outreach Center” and I began to ramble on and on about the man and the card and
the new life, but she knew of no such man. She explained that she had no
openings for interview for at least 2 weeks and I knew that I couldn’t exist
like this for 2 more weeks. I was sick as a dog and had lost over 30 pounds. I
was near death, one way or the other between the drugs and the mal-nutrition I
needed help fast. She told me to call back after 4 because on occasion they get
a cancellation. I hung up the phone even more discouraged then I had been in a
long time. I had no plans on calling her back but at 4 pm sharp something told
me to make the call and that’s when I felt my first glimpse of hope since God
knows when. Someone had cancelled and she made an appointment for me for the
next day to come in for an interview. I had no idea what this interview was
about but I stared at the card in my hand and somehow found hope in the words
“your life awaits you”
I slept on a park bench that night and at 6 a.m I rode my bike to the bus
stop and chained it up around the sign for safekeeping. I transferred to another
bus and 90 minutes later I was there for my screening. It was explained to me
that they were able to put me up in a halfway house free for a month as well as
supply me with food to fill my refrigerator. I was interviewed by 3 different
people and everything was going smooth until I told them that I was on
prescription medication that my doctor was weaning me off slowly because there
was a high risk of seizures and other side effects that were likely to occur if
I stopped using the medicine cold turkey because of the large amount I had been
taking as well as the length of time I had been poisoning myself with them.
Then reality set in and I became very alarmed when it was explained to me
that I would have to detox off the drugs and be totally clean before they could
place me in a halfway house. I got up to leave because going into a detox center
was going to be pure hell and I thought there was no way I was going to just
stop taking the only thing in the world that allowed me to even keep what little
sanity I had left. Yet something told me to sit back down and finish the
screening process so if by some miracle I did find the courage to go into a
detox at least I would know that there was help waiting for me when I got out.
They told me to call them when I was being released from the detox center and I
left very discouraged once more.
The next day was a defining day for me.
I had a final interview with the Department of Children and Family’s and my
mom was driving me down to Ft. Lauderdale. I had one pill left to level me out
and I took it when awoke that morning from my spot on the beach. I had decided
that I was going to try and kick my habit cold turkey but I had no idea at the
time just how powerful my addiction had become.
Inside of the Interview room there were about 10 people from various agencies
and I knew that I was going to have to put on the most persuasive performance of
my life as I gave one last plea for more time before my children were adopted.
All the cards were stacked against me but I gave a strong argument and refused
to back down. The children had been in foster care for over a year and the
bylaws stated that after a year the parent has lost their right to petition for
custody. But God was with me in that room and I was given grace in the form of a
90 day extension, however, there were 3 stiff stipulations and at the time they
seemed totally unfeasible and I had couldn’t even imagine how I would be able to
meet their requirements.
They gave me 90 days to have my own residence, a reliable vehicle and solid
employment. On top of that I would have to pass random drug tests and one
positive drug test would have my girls adopted and out of my life forever. I was
relieved yet overwhelmed. I was in need of divine intervention and that’s when
the miracles began to appear. God was at work and I knew I had to give
everything to him and get out of my own way.
That night as I lay trembling in the sand on the beach that had become my bed
for the past couple of months I began to feel withdrawal sickness from not
taking the drugs my body had come to depend on. It was one of the longest nights
of my life. As I lay looking up at the stars I tried in vain to remember what my
life was like before the drugs and the insanity. How did I end up here? Then I
heard a faint voice inside my head say “You didn’t end up here because you’re
journey isn’t over”. I don’t know where it came from but it was enough to give
me hope for the first time in a long time.
As the sun began to rise above the oceans horizon I found myself trudging
through the sand and making my way towards the sidewalk where my bicycle was
chained to a street sign. After 3 attempts I finally found myself securely on
the seat and pedaling over the bridge toward the Narcotics Anonymous meeting on
the other side. My body was week but my will overcame it, so I continued to
press forward with every ounce of energy I could muster and soon found myself at
the meeting. Something deep inside me was telling me that God was with me and I
found that comforting even in all the confusion and the sickness I was
feeling.
I sat on a bench outside the building with my face resting in my hands. I
tried to pray and as the tears rolled down my face I remember saying over and
over again, “help me God, I surrender”. Even in my brokenness I knew that God
and only God could restore my health and my sanity, so I was either going to
trust Him and move in faith or I was going to give up on him and die a slow
suffering death.
Behind me I could here people approaching and I recognized some of their
voices as friends I had made in the meetings. Only addicts can understand truly
understand what another addict is going through and they surrounded me with love
and compassion. We were soldiers who were battling for our lives and we knew
that the only way to victory was to surrender our will to God and to love and
support each other. We couldn’t rely on will power any more seeing that it was
our own will that brought us to our knees in the first place. I knew I was right
where I needed to be at that moment and I reluctantly agreed to let them drive
me to a Detox center where I could receive medical help and get some rest and
nourishment.
I didn’t know the guy who was driving but I do remember him telling me that I
was going to make it through this and one day I would use my experience as a
testimony to others. I wanted to jump out of his car every time we stopped at a
light so I could go and get high just to make the sickness go away, but in the
back seat my friend had her hands on my frail shoulders and was telling me how
proud she was of me and beside her was a woman just praying and praying and I
began to weep. I knew then that I was not turning back and I was through running
from my addiction. It was time for a show down and I was going to let God handle
this.
My detox was not your typical one in fact I still can’t explain to this day
what happened. I ended up in 3 different detox centers, 1 rehab, 2 trips to the
emergency room by ambulance and finally came to rest in a padded room in a
mental ward after Hallucinating for several days and falling into a deep state
of paranoia.
Perhaps it was sleep deprivation or maybe my mind shut down because it wasn’t
used to functioning without the poisonous chemicals it had come accustomed to
for such a long period of times. Or maybe this is what God knew it was going to
take for me in order for me to never use again. Whatever the reason it worked. I
know one thing for sure; it gave me a powerful testimony to share with others.
This was nothing short of a miracle and I knew I now had the responsibility to
share my testimony with others who are struggling with their own addictions or
in any area of their lives. If you’re reading this I can assure you that it is
not by mistake. There are no coincidences in God’s world.
After having my insanity restored I moved into the halfway house at last. It
took a couple of weeks to get healthy enough to look for work but I soon began
to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I attended at least one N.A meeting a
day and surrounded myself with positive people who were taking their recovery
serious. On day 30 I found a job and my faith became so strong that I believed
with all my heart that I would get my daughters back despite of what I was told
by the authorities and all the negative people who polluted the recovery
meetings. I knew that God was the ultimate authority and he would have the final
say. He didn’t bring me this far for nothing. I was sure he had many more
miracles planned and I walked in faith looking forward to see what He was about
to do next.
By the time my final court day came around I had a nice two-bedroom apartment
and a beautiful car. I couldn’t control my gratitude it was overwhelming. In 90
days time I had gone from a homeless addict, to a mental patient in a padded
room, to a respected member of society. How could this be? I’m sure you’ll agree
that this isn’t humanly possible or at best extremely unlikely. But with God all
things are possible.
The time had come for the final battle, the fight for
my children.
Everyone involved in the case had now taken my side and I now had the favor
of man as well as favor with God. However there were laws in place that could
not allow the judge to give me custody of my girls because over a year had
passed and they were now about to be adopted. The judge would have no choice but
to follow the guidelines and deny me custody, but as I stated earlier, God has
is the ultimate authority and he would have the final word.
I sat alone at my table yet God was there to represent me. The judge sat
silently as he read the case history and the recommendations from the many
agencies that were present. A smile came to his face as he peered over to me
from across the courtroom. And then he addressed me with respect and admiration
and said to me “In all my years on the bench I have never seen a case like this
nor a man with such perseverance. You’re love for your children has miraculously
given you the strength and determination to defy tremendous obstacles and what
before today I would have called impossible odds. I am confident that these
children will be blessed to have you as a father and furthermore believe that
you will be a wonderful role model to them as you are to everyone in this
courtroom. Sir, this court has a great respect for you. Are you ready to take
your girls home?”.
My God, my girls were coming home with me! I couldn’t control my tears as
people applauded and congratulated me. When they asked me how I did it I tell
them “I gave it to God and I just walked with Him in faith. What a beautiful
day, what an awesome God.
The girl’s mother never came back but we continue to pray for her that one
day she too would give her addiction to God. As I write this it has now been 7
years that I’ve been clean and 6 blessed years that the 3 of us have been a
family. Our home is always filled with laughter and my daughters both have
beautiful hearts and always remember that God comes first. In the past six years
my girls have seen many more miracles in our home and they know beyond a shadow
of a doubt that “All things are possible with God”.
I pray my testimony has been a blessing and an encouragement to you. No
matter what you are facing and no matter what your circumstances may dictate to
you always remember that we weren’t put on this Earth to suffer but to have a
life of abundance. There is always hope and always a way to change your
circumstances but from my experience I have learned that it takes a power much
greater than myself. God is not a religion, He is love and joy, compassion and
mercy. He is not far away in the Heavens but is the good that lives inside each
of us. If you’ve been trying to do things your way and find you keep getting the
same results then perhaps it’s time to surrender your will and allow God to to
bring you victory.
|
Jay Bartels is the author of many human interest stories. Jay’s own story of hope and inspiration can be found on his highly resourceful family sites. Jay is a single father raising two young girls and shares his experiences in several journals that can be found on his web sites, including http://www.MisterMomsHome.com |
Email This Post
Comments
Related Posts:Self Hypnosis Programs – Scam Or Savior?How Can Emotional Distress Lead to Empowerment?Law of Attraction and Life – Addictive EmotionsSubliminal Messages – The Secret Seduction?The Secret – How to Live the Life of Your Dreams Using the Secret!
Comments RSS 
What a beautiful testimony… Thank you so much for being bold enough and grateful enough to share it with us.