Feb

11

Overcoming Midlife’s Self-Defeating Behaviors

February 11, 2008 |



Mind Power Tools 

We all have self-defeating thoughts. They are the thoughts that set limitations, instill fear, doubt, insecurity and failure in our minds. In order to maintain these negative thought patterns, you probably developed behaviors that are automatic. You just don’t think about them anymore. What can you do? First, try identifying what those behaviors are. Then you can make a commitment to stop doing them and be able to substitute healthier behaviors in their place.

Here are a few common self-defeating behaviors you may be familiar with.

1. Procrastination - you put things off that you find difficult or unpleasant to do.

2. Lack of motivation - you begin a lot of tasks but are not able to finish any.

3. Difficulty making decisions - you feel your judgment is poor and cannot be trusted.

4. Dependency - you don’t think you can do things on your own.

5. Overeating - you have no control over your emotional eating.

6. Excessive worry - you feel you are not up to the task of coping with life

7. Folding under pressure - you are unable to control your emotions

8. Inability to say “no” - you make other people more important than you.

9. Disorganized - you can’t seem to get yourself or your life together.

10. People pleasing -you agree with people on the surface, but not on the inside -and you do this just to be liked.

I suggest that to get past these self-defeating behaviors you need to focus 5% of your attention on the problem and 95% of your time on the solution. Brainstorm alternative ways of behaving that would set you free from the perpetual and habitual patterns you’ve been using. Understand that you have the ability to change any one of these behaviors just by realizing how it is impacting your life. Tell yourself that whatever rewards you get for acting this way (getting attention or getting your way, enjoying the drama, etc. ) it’ not as great as the satisfaction you’ll feel when you let go and try a healthier behavior.

Amy Sherman, LMHC, is a licensed mental health counselor in private practice. Amy is the author of the ebook, “Distress-Free Aging: A Boomer’s Guide to Creating a Fulfilled and Purposeful Life” and “Joy of Optimism” 10-Lesson eCourse. She specializes in issues specific to the 40+ generation and is available for telephone coaching, face-to-face therapy, teleseminars, radio and TV interviews. For more information, go to http://www.bummedoutboomer.com, sign up for her free newsletter and receive a Special Report on Overcoming Adversity. She can be reached by email at amy@bummedoutboomer.com or by phone at 561) 281-2975.

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2 Comments so far

  1. Kimberly on February 12, 2008 11:03 pm

    Wonderful article. To help me set the tone for the day, instead of some fleeting thought that may not be positive, I subscribed to a site that sends me each morning a positive or motivational quote.

  2. NLP on March 17, 2008 9:29 pm

    Well, there is one good time to procrastinate. That’s when you decide to procrastinate about procrastinating.

    Cheerios
    J

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